There is only breath
I invite you to read the following excerpt from a poem by John Roedel, maintaining breath awareness and observing any sensations that may arise from its images and ideas.
…last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head
I nodded
I said I didn't know
if I could live with
either of them anymore
"my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,"
I lamented
my gut squeezed my hand
"I just can't live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,"
I sighed
my gut smiled and said:
"in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,"
I was confused
- the look on my face gave it away
"if you are exhausted about
your heart's obsession with
the fixed past and your mind's focus
on the uncertain future
your lungs are the perfect place for you
there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either
there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment
there is only breath
and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out."
this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves
and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs
I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs
before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said
"what took you so long?"
~ john roedel (johnroedel.com)
I came across this poem some time ago. I don’t recall where or when, but I copied it, and it’s been sitting patiently in a Note. It speaks to me, giving voice to the subtle dialogue that often goes on, quite habitually, within my body-mind. And subtle may be an overstatement. Sometimes, the back and forth between my heart and head is rather ungracious. I’m guessing I’m not alone in this.
Yoga teaches that when we slow down and “take a breath,” we can gain a new perspective, a freshness found in present-moment awareness. Pranayama (gathering, aligning, retaining life force) is the practice of harmonizing the movements of mind and heart (yoga calls them the “waves of consciousness”) that fight for attention and dominance. Through the simple process of mindfully breathing in and breathing out, our nervous systems regulate, and our mental activity coalesces. As the waves calm and recede, we find rest and renewal.
When we experience parts of ourselves as separate or in conflict with one another, let’s try to remember that our breath also stands at the ready. She’s there, patiently waiting to welcome us into the space that can change our perspective. The next time you feel caught between your heart and your head, between memories and projections of future possibilities, return to the presence found in a mindful inhalation and exhalation.
